


Take It Slow //

by im_a_lime



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heathens, M/M, Multi, Smut, Tyler/Josh - Freeform, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:56:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 18,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7284445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_a_lime/pseuds/im_a_lime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler wakes up and can't remember much about his life. He quickly befriends "Josh," and tries to put together what happened.</p><p>Has a lot of plot & plot twists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How'd I get here sitting next to you?

Tyler slowly felt himself slipping into consciousness. He was overwhelmed with confusion. It was like waking up after an unexpected nap, when it takes you a while to figure out if thats the sunrise or sunset. He had the urgent feeling that he was forgetting something important, but he couldn’t get his body to respond to the urgency. His eyes felt gooey, like they were being held shut by warm honey. He felt like he was under water, every motion was slowed to half the speed it should be. He tried to yell, but nothing escaped his lips. He felt the scream catch in the back of his throat.

Eventually the heavy feeling melted away, and he was able to open his eyes. He pulled himself to a sitting position and took in his surroundings. His room was a cell, his bed was a cot. It wasn’t dirty, but it felt dingy anyway. Even the harsh fluorescent lights couldn’t bring light to this place.

Tyler wracked his brain trying to remember how he got here, but found few memories left in his head.

He was laying in bed, with his mom curled up beside him. She was softly stroking his head, relaxing him as her fingers ran though his brunette hair. She was whispering him a lullaby, it sounded familiar. But now he wasn’t in his bedroom, it was a hospital. And he could no longer make out her words. Tyler shook is head, and he was brought back to the present.

“H…Hello?” he croaked out, his throat was dry and sore.

“Good afternoon, Tyler.” a voice came from outside the cell. How had he not noticed the man in the white lab coat, sitting right outside? “Tyler, how are you feeling?” The room started spinning.

“I’m, um… what? Where am I?” Tyler’s head began to ache, and he had to fight to keep his eyes open.

“Oh, I see the sedatives haven’t quite worn off yet. It’s alright Tyler. You’re safe here. Get some rest.” The man disappeared from sight, and Tyler’s vision began to blur.

______________________________________________________________

“You have to let me see him! He’s my HUSBAND!” Jenna cried. She was exhausted. After everything that had happened this week, and not knowing how Tyler was doing. It was too much for her.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Joseph, but you know we can not let you in. Tyler’s condition is very critical right now, he is not allowed any visitors. Especially-” The nurse sighed, looking at the tired blonde who refused to leave the reception area. “Listen, you really should get some sleep. I can only imagine how you are feeling… Please go home. Eat something. Rest. We’ll let you know if anything changes.”

“Okay but you have my number right? You’ll call me right away? I can’t… I can’t…” Jenna squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears.

“Ma’am. I’m sorry. Please go home.”

Jenna could no longer control her sobs, she covered her mouth and walked to her car. The guilt was taking over her body, filling every vein and artery. She wanted so badly to just go back in time, maybe she could have done things differently. Maybe…

______________________________________________________________

This time when Tyler woke up, things were clearer. He open his eyes. He could stand up. He walked to the door to his cell, and carefully rested his hands on the metal bars. He could see into other cells. Most of the others were laying in their cots. Some looked like they we’re writing or drawing. One was just staring at a wall, rambling nonsense to no one.

“Hey!”

Tyler looked around for the source of the voice.

“Right here!” The voice came from the cell across from him. Tyler looked over at the boy with messy pink hair and hypnotizing brown eyes. “Your name is Tyler, right?”

“Um, yeah I guess. Who are you?” Tyler cautiously looked around him.

“I’m Josh.” He waved. “Hey aren’t you hungry? You haven’t eaten all day.”

“Yeah actually, I’m staving!” Tyler laughed. He just now noticed the tray of food by his cot. He sat down and began picking at the meal. A bruised apple, pb&j, pea’s and carrots from a can, and a cup of water. It looked worse than those awful lunches he had to gag down in middle school, but he truly was starving.

Josh sat down cross legged and rested his forehead against the bars of his cell. “I know the stuff is gross. I can’t stop thinking about this really good lasagna that my mom used to make for me when I was a kid. Then yesterday, when I saw lasagna on my plate I almost cried! But it didn’t taste like lasagna, ya know? It tasted like paper and expired marinara sauce. But they gave me chocolate pudding so I guess it wasn’t all bad.” Josh smiled, his eyes almost glowing. Tyler wasn’t really sure what Josh was talking about, but it made him laugh.

“Hey so what is this place?” Tyler finally asks.

“Oh. This is where they put you when you go a little…crazy.” Josh said, rubbing the back of his neck, afraid of Tyler’s reaction.

“Oh. Crazy, huh?” Tyler stared ahead of him, taking another spoonful of peas and carrots without blinking.

“But hey, I mean what fun is it to be not-crazy anyway right?” Josh said, hopefully. Tyler laughed, almost choking on his food.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He smiled at Josh.

Their fun was interrupted when the man in the white lab coat appeared again. Josh backed into the corner of his cell. “Tyler. I see you’re awake now, and eating!” The doctor said, pleased. Tyler just stared up at the man. “Alright Tyler. I’m Doctor Shepherd. We’re going to take you to another room to be examined if that’s alright with you?

“Uh, examined??” Tyler asked, tensing up a little.

“Nothing to worry about! We’re just going to make sure you’re doing alright and ask you a few questions.” Doctor Shepherd said, reassuringly. Tyler nodded and stood up. Two men in black armor appeared and opened to cell door to escort Tyler to his examination.

“Is this really necessary?” Tyler wondered under his breath.

“I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable Tyler, it’s just a precaution. We want to make sure everyone here is safe.” _Safe from what?_ Tyler asked, this time only in his head. _Safe from.. me?_

The men lead Tyler and Doctor Shepherd down the hall, to an elevator. Everything was locked and sealed through many doors and thick layers of glass. They went up to the fifth floor, through more security, and into a white room, with white chairs and a white table.

“Thank you.” Doctor Shepherd dismissed the guards, and directed tyler to one of the seats. “Now Tyler, this chair has wrist restraints on it. I don’t want you to panic, but I would like to put on the restraints since you are new here, and we want to make sure there isn’t any trouble for our doctors. Is that alight?” Tyler knew that despite his words, Doctor Shepherd wasn’t really asking for permission. So he just nodded and allowed himself to be restrained to the chair. “Thank you. I’m going to close the door, and in a few minutes another doctor will be back. Tyler simply nodded again, and Doctor Shepherd left.

A few minutes later, the door handle turned. Tyler tensed up, but relaxed when he saw the pink haired boy enter the room.

“Josh? What are you doing in here?” He puzzled.

“Oh i’m just in the area for a checkup, no biggie, just wanted to say hi!” He smiled wide. “Aw dude they’ve got you restrained?” Josh’s eyes widened when he saw Tyler’s wrists, but he quickly changed the subject. “So, hey, um, I brought you a piece of candy. I don’t know if you even like candy, but Doc gave me a tootsie roll and- oh. I think someone is coming, I better go, Sorry.” Josh ducked out the door and disappeared down the hall. Tyler couldn’t explain why, but he was sad that Josh had to go so soon.

There was a small knock and the door opened. “Tyler, I’m Doctor Egber, It’s nice to meet you.” He took a seat across from Tyler.

“Can you tell me everything that you remember?”

“Well,” Tyler tried to focus. “Really nothing. I don’t know how I got here or where I am or what happened.” He paused. “Josh said… um. That I might be crazy?” He shouldn’t have said that. He wished he could take the words back.

“Josh?”

“Just… one of the guys downstairs. Never mind.”

“Hmm.” The doctor flipped through the sheets on his clipboard. “Tyler. This is a facility that helps people who have been in very severe situations. We have you on a few medications right now to help you sort out what you are going through. You are not currently allowed any visitors, but when the time comes that you are ready for that, there are some people who would like to see you. Do you remember anybody that you would like to see?” Tyler thought back to the memory of his mom running her fingers through his hair.

“My mom. I want to see my mom.”

“Excellent. We want to make sure that is not something that will set back your progress, but if everything goes accordingly we can call her in.” Tyler nodded. “In the meantime, I would like you to try to remember anything that you can.”

Tyler closed his eyes. “I remember driving… It was late. I was upset, but I don’t know why….” Tyler began to shake. “I remember being in a hospital bed, and my mom singing a lullaby.” Tyler’s head hurt. “Then I was here. And there was Doctor Shepherd, then Josh, and now you.” Tyler looked up and locked eyes with Doctor Egber.

“Tell me more about Josh.” The doctor asked, taking notes on his clipboard.

“No.” Tyler looked down at his feet. He didn’t feel like talking about Josh right now, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

Doctor Egber asked Tyler more questions, but it became apparent that Tyler remembered very little about his life before that morning. Egber did not want to tell Tyler any information that he did not remember on his own, but rather guide him to the information himself. Tyler’s state of mind was very fragile, and he did not want to cause any more damage.


	2. Just because we check the guns at the door...

Tyler was escorted back to his cell, and as soon as the guards left, Josh popped up from under his bed.

“Josh?! How did you get in my cell?”

“Don’t worry about it dude. Here’s that tootsie roll I was saving for you!” Josh grinned. Tyler cautiously took the candy, and laid down. “How was your ‘examination’?”

“They asked me a lot of questions I don’t know the answer to.” Tyler sighed. “They’ve been trying to get me to remember on my own, but I wish they would just tell me why i’m here.”

“Hey, its going to be okay.” Josh reached over to touch Tyler’s arm, and they locked eyes. “Josh… do- do you really think I’m crazy?”

“No! nononono!” Josh scooted closer to Tyler. “Actually..” Josh scratched at his neck, as he always did when he was nervous, “I think you’re kind of wonderful.”

“You… you do?” Tyler was shocked.

“Yeah. You’re just trying to process to whatever happened. But I really like you Tyler.” Josh timidly leaned closer to hug Tyler, and to his surprise he hugged back.

“So, um… why are you here?” Tyler played with his shoelace, intrigued to know more about Josh, but not wanting to pry.

“Oh me? Well. I got into a really bad accident. People thought it was on purpose, so they put me in here to help me out. I’m just trying to tell them it really was an accident.” Tyler sympathetically looked at Josh, but his eyes began tracing over the details of his face. He was staring at the wall very seriously. But Josh suddenly looked up at Tyler, and he watched his concern melt away.

“What are you staring at, goof?” Josh laughed, giving Tyler a playful shove. “You’ve just got a pretty face, Joshwa.”

______________________________________________________

“Hey Ty?” Josh’s voice broke the silence. He had been sitting on the floor while Tyler laid in bed, they had been up talking for hours.  
“Yeah?”  
“Um, could I maybe… lay with you?” He asked, already flinching in anticipation that Tyler may get upset.  
“Yeah, get up here.” They both smiled.

Josh pulled himself up and scooted up next to Tyler. The cots were really only meant for one person, so it was a tight squeeze. But neither of the boys seemed to mind that. Tyler rolled over so they were face to face, pulling his blanket over both of them.

“Joshie, I can’t sleep.”

“Aw, Ty…” Josh stretched his arm around Tyler, and pulled him closer. Now Tyler _really_ couldn’t sleep. He could feel the warmth of Josh’s skin against his. He watched Josh’s chest rise and fall until it fell into a slow rhythm. He sure was beautiful when he slept. Messy pink locks of hair smushed on his forehead, lips slightly parted, the occasional twitch as he drifted off. Tyler slowly moved his hand up to Josh’s chest, tracing circles on his shirt. As he got braver, he allowed his fingers to wander up the side of his face. Josh suddenly inhaled, and Tyler started to move his hand away, afraid he would be swatted like a bug. But Josh stopped him, and moved Tyler’s hand back to his face. Barely opening his eyes, Josh leaned his face closer, allowing their lips to nearly touch.

 “Tyler.” He said, now running his fingers through the brunette’s soft hair. His hand landed at the back of his neck, and he gently pulled Tyler into a kiss. 

 Tyler didn’t think he had ever kissed someone like this. Surely, he would have remembered a kiss like that? Josh’s muscular arms kept pulling him closer, his hands wandering all over, pulling him in. Tyler’s head was absolutely spinning. He could no longer tell where he stopped and Josh’s started. His fingers were locked into his pink hair, while his other hand drifted over his chest. Together they were a mess of breathing and grabbing and kissing, and Tyler was sure he was flying.

“Oh my god.” Tyler whispered. Josh just smiled at him, keeping his face within inches of Tyler's.

“Josh?”

“Tyler.” He placed a gentle kiss on Tyler's lips, then several more across his face. He then pulled the blanket up and wrapped it around Tyler, pulling him close into his chest. “Can you sleep now?” He whispered. Tyler nodded and sleepily buried his face in Josh’s chest.

Tyler woke up to Josh stroking his hair and humming a song. It sounded so familiar, but he couldn’t place where it was from. “Morning Ty!” He grinned, showing his perfect teeth.

“Hey Joshie.” He smiled back, unsure of how to feel about last night. Or did it even happen??

“Hey, about last night…” Josh seemed to be reading his mind. “Are you okay? Because we don’t have to do that again if you don’t want to. I just... thought it was what you wanted.”

Tyler thought for a moment before responding. “I wanted it… I uh, I wanted you, Josh.”

Josh grinned from ear to ear. “Really?” He seemed excited. Suddenly, he leaned forward and kissed Tyler. It was a sweet, excited kiss. They only broke apart when they heard footsteps coming down the corridor.

__________________________________________________________

“Tyler, Is something on your mind?” Doctor Shepherd’s voice snapped him back to reality.

“No.” A blatant lie. He couldn't stop thinking about Josh's lips on his.

“How are you doing here? I know it’s not the most comfortable of accommodations, we’re working on transferring you up to the seventh floor.”

“The seventh floor? Can I still see josh?”

“Josh?” The doctor seemed startled. “Tyler, who is Josh?”

“The guy with the pink hair. In the cell across from mine.” Doctor Shepherd seemed very uncomfortable now.

“How long have you been seeing Josh? Do you talk with him?”

“He’s been here the whole time. He started talking to me a few days ago when I woke up. He even comes into my cell sometimes.”

“Well, how do you feel about Josh? Does he upset you?”

“No! Gosh, no. Josh is… I really like him.” Tyler was unsure how much to tell Doctor Shepherd. He was afraid to how much he liked Josh, because he didn’t want them to get separated.

“So, you might say Josh is a source of comfort for you then?” The doctor asked, scribbling some notes.

“Yes, absolutely.” Tyler nodded confidently now.

“Good. Now we need to talk about what you remember again.” Tyler’s face fell. “I know this is hard for you, but it is very important.” Doctor Shepherd reassured him. “Have you looked at your arms, Tyler?”

“What? My arms?” It hadn’t even occurred to Tyler to examine himself, but as he rolled up his sleeves he saw was the doctor meant. Tyler’s arm was all sewn up, nearly from his wrist to his elbow. “How- How did I not feel this?” Tyler jumped up.

“Tyler, we have had you on a series of drugs, including painkillers, to ease you back into reality. Do you remember anything more now?” Tyler did not take his eyes off his arm. Suddenly the memories were coming back so clearly.

“I remember it. I remember yelling, grabbing the knife... I was frantic. I was yelling. She was there… She…. Jenna. _Jenna._ ” Tyler scrunched up his face and yanked his sleeves back down. “I made her watch me do it. I kept screaming at her. I was so upset. And this…” Tyler looked at his arm again. “This is why I was in the hospital. I remember my mom being there…Oh no....” Tyler began to tear up. They must have been so worried. Why would he put his family through that?


	3. Please don't make any sudden moves.

Doctor Shepherd carefully looked at Tyler, who was shaking in his chair. In truth, they were not treating anyone named “Josh.” There was no pink haired boy in the cell across from Tyler. In fact, there was no “cell” at all, Tyler was staying in a normal room, with a bed, and a solid door. Tyler was a state of severe delusion, suffering from hallucinations, and repressing most of his memories. He wanted to calmly explain to Tyler everything that had happened, but he was afraid the shock of it all would push the poor boy over the edge of psychosis. He could only hope to gently guide Tyler to remember some of the events, until he could start bringing in family members and friends.

“So… I tried to kill myself.” Tyler said, his voice weak. He had pulled his knees up to his chest and was picking at his shoes. “In front of Jenna.” he signed, “My… wife.” His eyes slowly rose to meet Doctor Shepherd’s. “Why.” He said it more as a demand than a question.

Doctor Shepherd sighed, “Tyler, why do you think you would do that?”

“I wouldn’t!” he shouted, throwing his hands in the air. “I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I… couldn’t.” He covered his face with his hands.

There was a knock on the door, and Doctor Shepherd stepped into the hall, giving Tyler more space then he could handle.

“Tyler?” the doctor peeked back into the room.

“Yes?” he used his sleeve to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

“How would you like to see your mom?”

Tyler violently nodded.

_______________________________________________

“Hi mom.” He barely choked out the words.

“Oh, my boy!” She wrapped him up in her arms. She was so happy to have her son back in her arms. She knew she wasn’t allowed to tell Tyler anything that he didn’t remember, and to only gently remind him of the truth. Tyler tried so speak again, but all that came out were sobs. “It’s okay Tyler.” She soothed, rubbing his back.

“Sweetie, how are you doing?” She asked, when he finally calmed. “Are you okay here?”

“My bed is really uncomfortable. But Doctor Shepherd has been nice to me. And I really like Josh.”

“Um… Josh?” His mother asked, looking concerned now.

“Oh, he’s my… friend. He’s in the cell across from me.” He was almost smiling now. “He’s really great. He’s kinda goofy but he makes me laugh a lot. and he’s got this dumb pink hair, but it’s actually kinda cute…” He was blushing now, and had to look away from his mother’s gaze, so he missed her worried expression. She looked across the room to Doctor Shepherd, who looked sympathetic.

“Tyler dear, how much do you remember?” She grabbed her son’s hands. His face fell.

“I remember trying to.. uh, trying to end… my life. In front of Jenna, my wife. Then I remember being in a hospital bed, and you singing to me. and… thats it.” He started to shake again. “Mom, I can’t remember.”

“Honey…” She hugged him again. “You’ll get there! But… We really need to to keep trying to remember things. We’re… Well… “ She looked to Doctor Shepherd again, and he shook his head. “We just want you back Ty.”

After a few minutes of silence, Tyler spoke up again. “Does… Does Jenna hate me?” He began to tear up.

“No!” Doctor Shepherd and his mom said in unison.

“From what the nurses tell me, she’s been in the lobby, day and night, trying to see you.” Doctor Shepherd assured him.

“Why didn’t you let her?” Tyler jumped up, his mom tried to grab his arm but she shook him off. “Why.” It was a demand again.

“Tyler, we want to make sure you’re ready for that, it could trigger a lot of memories to see her again.”

“Call her. Now.” He demanded.

“Tyler…” Doctor Shepherd began, but his mom interrupted.

“I think I’m due for a visit with Jenna anyway. How about you take the day to calm down a bit, and if everything is going alright I will bring Jenna back with me tomorrow?” She looked back and forth between her son and the Doctor.

“That sounds reasonable to me, Tyler?”

“Yes, okay.” Tyler sat back down. “That sounds fine.”


	4. You don't know the half of the abuse.

Jenna caught her reflection in the side mirror of Mrs. Joseph’s car, and she looked _terrible._ Then again, who didn’t these days? She was wearing a pair of Tyler’s ratty old sweats, to feel like he was still around. Her hair had been in the same pony tail for days. She had barely eaten, and was starting to look like a raccoon due to sleep deprivation.

“So what does he remember?” She croaked. She had been crying non stop and it was evident in her voice.

“He remembers cutting himself in front of you, and briefly waking up in the hospital. Nothing else.” She sighed, glancing over her shoulder before switching lanes. Jenna couldn’t understand how Tyler’s mom was holding it together. She seemed to be taking care of everyone lately, and Jenna felt the guilt in the pit of her stomach like a rock. This was her _son._

“I’m so sorry.” Jenna looked closer at the woman, and saw that she too, had deep bags under her eyes. “I know that I… well. I know I could have-“

“He’s been calling you his wife.” She interrupted, ignoring Jenna’s attempt at an apology. “So today, you are his wife. You don’t talk about anything until he remembers it himself. Then you hope to God that you don’t break my son again.”

“Y-yes ma’am.” Jenna looked down. Mrs. Joseph had been very generous in taking care of her, but had also made it very clear that she was not happy with Jenna.

They drove the rest of the way in silence.

 

* * *

  

Tyler and Josh woke up in a mess of arms and legs, not being able to tell what belonged to Tyler and what belonged to Josh. They were completely entangled, almost like Josh was simply a part of Tyler.

Tyler rested his head on Josh’s chest, and ran his fingers though his vibrant pink curls. His fingers wandered down, tracing over the lines of his face, sweeping over his eyebrows, down his nose, around his lips. He leaned forward and pressed their lips together. He felt Josh’s tongue slip into his mouth, he tasted like berries on a hot summer day. As they kissed, they melted into each other.

Suddenly, Tyler was brought out of the kiss by a voice at the door.

“Tyler?” Doctor Shepherd asked. “Would you like to come up stairs for a bit?”

“Yeah, uh..” He looked to Josh, but he was already gone. “Sure.” He stood up and approached the cell door. Something funny happened though, when Tyler stepped out of his cell. He suddenly in the hallway of a hospital. This confused Tyler, but he decided not to bring it up with Doctor Shepherd. He must just be tired still.

Tyler rubbed his eyes as the doctor lead him to the same room they had been in yesterday.

“Your mother called,” he started, “She and Jenna are on their way over. I’d like to speak with them first and make sure we are all on the same page, then after lunch you can see them. Does that sound alright with you Tyler?”

Tyler nodded, looking around the room.

“What do you remember about your wife?”

“She’s pretty. She has blonde hair, blue eyes. She likes to cook me things, she’s good at that. We have a house together…” he trailed off.

“Tyler?” He didn’t respond.

Doctor Shepherd reached over to put his hand on Tyler’s shoulder. “Tyler?” He repeated, this time Tyler looked up. “Yeah? yeah. We have a house.”

Tyler remembered the day they moved into the house. The way his wife barely made eye contact with him. The way they didn’t even cuddle in bed that night, just turned off the lights and laid in silence. But for the life of him, he couldn’t remember why.

 

* * *

  

“Josh.” Tyler collapsed onto his cot, and Josh wrapped his arms around him.

“What’s wrong Ty?” He petted his hair.

“I…I have a wife.” he hid his face and waited for Josh’s reaction.

“You do?” Josh sat up and looked at Tyler, who was shaking again. “Hey…” he scooped Tyler up into his lap. “It’s going to be alight.”

“She’s going to be here today. I did some bad things last time I remember her. I don’t know if… I don’t know if she still wants to be with me.” He sobbed.

“Tyler… What bad things did you do?” Josh wiped a tear from his cheek, and Tyler silently rolled up his sleeve. “Oh, Ty…” Josh grabbed Tyler’s sewn up arm and gently kissed it. He pulled Tyler closed into his chest.

“Joshie…?” he asked, nervously.

“Yes?”

“What if I don’t want to be with my wife? What if.. I want to be with you?”

 

* * *

 

Tyler fidgeted in his chair, waiting for Doctor Shepherd to return. He drew one of his knees up to his chest and tugged at his shoe laces. Finally, the door opened. Doctor Shepherd walked in, followed by Tyler’s mother and wife.

“Tyler!” Jenna sighed, running over to hug him. He could see tears welling up in her eyes.

“My god Jenna, you look like shit.” He joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I’m sorry Tyler, I-“

“s’fine” he smiled. “I’m just teasing ya.”

Jenna gave a weak smile, and took a seat next to Tyler.

“How are you doing today honey?” His mom asked, taking the seat on his other side.

“I’m good, mom.” He grabbed her hand. She smelled like springtime and chocolate chip cookies.

“So, how do you like it here Tyler?” Jenna asked, eager to finally know how he was doing.

“It’s alright. Wish i had a comfier place to sleep, but it’s not all bad.” Tyler began to blush, thinking of the good things. Like Josh. Josh was the very best thing. He thought about his goofy smile, and the way he always made him laugh…

“Thats great!” Jenna tried to be encouraging.

“And I really like, um,” Tyler wondered if he should really tell his wife about Josh. I mean, he _really_ liked Josh. It felt wrong to be talking about that with Jenna. “the uh, food.” he finished, deciding it was a bad idea.

Jenna cracked a smile “Is it better than my cooking?

Tyler paused.

  
_"Tyler! Come taste this!” Jenna had been working on the recipe all day. Tyler walked in to find his wife twirling around the kitchen like a tornado. A tornado with a blonde ponytail and a purple apron. A tornado shuffling around dishes and ingredients and leaving behind a masterpiece. A very delicious masterpiece._

 _“_ _Eyes closed, mouth open.” She smiled, and shoved a spoonful of food into Tyler’s mouth._

_“That is the best lasagna I’ve ever eaten!”_

_“_ _It’s baked ziti.” she pouted._

_“Even better!” He wrapped his arms around her. “How did I get so lucky?!” he leaned in to kiss her._

_“Tyler!” She shouted, leaping back. The spoon had been between them, leaving a large smear of sauce on Jenna’s apron. She rushed to the sink to clean up._

_“It’s fine, at least it wasn’t your clothes.” He said, using a finger to wipe the sauce off his own shirt, sticking it in his mouth._  
_A phone buzzed on the counter, and Tyler’s eyes were drawn to the screen. His world stopped._

_“Jenna…Who is Brian? And w-why does he miss your-“_

_Jenna rushed across the room to grab her phone but it was too late.  
_

 

“Tyler??”

He snapped back to the present, and noticed everyone’s eyes were on him.

“You…How could you….” Tyler stared at Jenna, eyes wide.

“Tyler, I-“

“You…Cheated on me?”

“I’m so sorry.” Jenna began to cry. “Tyler I’m so sorry!” She reached to grab his hand, but he pulled away.

“Don’t touch me.” He shouted.

“I want to go back. I want to go see Josh.” Tyler said, looking only at Doctor Shepherd now.

Mrs. Joseph’s heart broke watching the scene unfold in front of her. Jenna was sobbing, but suddenly stopped at the mention of Josh.

Doctor Shepherd motioned for Jenna to stay quiet.

“Tyler, would you like to go back to your room?” He asked calmly.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I would love love love comments :)


	5. Please don't forget.

“Tyler… We are not treating anyone by the name of Josh.”

Tyler froze.

It was a very difficult decision for Doctor Shepherd to make. Tyler was very fragile, especially since he realized that his wife had been cheating on him. He did not want to push Tyler too much, but in the week since he had met with Jenna, things had only been going downhill.

Tyler would not leave his room. He spent all day with “Josh.” He would only talk about “Josh.” Doctor Shepherd had tried everything, this was his only option left..

Tyler smashed his palms into his eyes, trying to comprehend Doctor Shepherd’s words.

“What are you saying?” Tyler asked, angry now.

“Well, it’s not uncommon to have hallucinations-”

“No. No no no no.” Tyler was getting louder and louder now. “NO.” He stood up, knocking back his chair. “NO NO NO NO.” He paced around the room, not even noticing as Doctor Shepherd pressed a small blue button on the wall. It was only seconds before three men came to the door to restrain Tyler.

“Tyler, we’re going to take you back downstairs now. I will give you some medicine to help you with your hallucinations.” Tyler could barely hear him, the room was spinning so loudly. When he was back in his room he waited for Doctor Shepherd to leave, then spit out the pills and crawled into bed.

“What’s wrong Ty?” Josh asked, wrapping himself around the crying boy. “It’s okay, Tyler.” he soothed, stroking his hair and planting small kisses all over his face. Tyler was confused, of course Josh was real. He was right here. _He’s right here._

“Josh, they’re telling me you aren’t real.” Tyler was shaking. _“Not real.”_ He repeated.

“Of course I’m real.” Josh said, soothingly. “I’m real, Ty, I promise. Please don’t forget.”

 _Please don’t forget._  
_Please don’t forget._  
_Please don’t forget._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! <3


	6. After all i've said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops sorry I forgot it was a holiday when I posted this.

“Josh isn’t real.” 

The words felt strange as they escaped Tyler’s lips. 

“Josh isn’t real.” 

He said it louder this time. If he said it enough times would it feel more true?

_Please don’t forget._

Tyler began pulling at his hair. He remembered a lot now. He remembered his wedding, and how beautiful Jenna looked in her dress. The champagne and the dancing and the twinkling lights. He remembered when they first moved into their new house. For their first dinner they hadn’t unpacked any furniture or dishes yet, so they got a bucket of chicken from KFC and ate on the floor in front of the fireplace. He remembered how she grew distant. They stopped laughing together. He spent more and more time writing songs, while she spent all her time getting involved with the community. He remembered finding out she cheated. How she cried and cried, but he couldn’t even look her in the eye. How they went weeks living like ghosts. Quietly existing together without really acknowledging each other. 

That was his reality. Not the angelic pink haired boy. 

Not Josh, who made him laugh and smile every day. Not Josh, who somehow seemed to understand him better than he understood himself.

No, Josh wasn’t real. 

Doctor Shepherd had tried to have a conversation with Tyler about Josh, but he didn’t want to hear it. He asked him never to mention Josh again.  
Doctor Shepherd didn’t seem to like that idea, but reluctantly agreed that he would not talk about Josh for now. 

_Josh isn’t real._


	7. Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades.

“Tyler, how are you feeling today?” Doctor Shepherd asked, setting his clipboard aside for once.

“I’m doing fine.” Tyler had been pretty quiet lately. He had been on anti-psychotics that helped reduce the hallucinations. He stopped talking about Josh. He slowly came to terms that the world he had previously seen, his “cell” and his “cot” were really a bed in a nice room at the mental health facility. He remembered his whole family and the majority of his past. Although there were still a few things he was missing, and Doctor Shepherd was giving up hope that he would be able to draw it out of Tyler.

“Tyler, your mother and I have been talking. We’ve decided that it’s time for you to leave the facility. There is somewhere that we would like to take you. “

“Um.. okay?” Tyler wondered where on earth they could possibly want to take him.

“I’ve done my best to help you recover all of your memory, and I think this is the final step that I can help you with in that regard. You’re still going to continue treatment here at the facility, but I think that It would be best to allow you more time with your family now, so you are no longer required to stay here 24/7.”

“But then how will I see-” _Josh. Josh isn’t real._ Tyler reminded himself, frowning. “Nevermind.”

“Tyler, your mom will be here this afternoon to take you home and let you settle into your bedroom there. You’ll only be staying here overnight if your condition worsens. Is that okay with you?”

“I suppose.” Tyler kicked at the ground.

“Alright, let’s get you all packed up then.

 

* * *

 

Tyler could’ve sworn he saw a flash of Josh out of the corner of his eye. He was sitting on his bed now, his bag all packed up, just waiting for his mom to pick him up.

_Please don’t forget._

He could almost hear Josh’s whisper. He squeezed his eyes shut. He felt a hand grab his.

_Not. Real._

_“Tyler.”_ He heard Josh’s voice.

“I’m sorry Josh. I have to go.” He opened his eyes and stood up. He was alone.

Tyler paced back and forth until there was a knock on the door.

“Tyler? Your mother is waiting in the lobby for you.” Tyler grabbed his bag and Doctor Shepherd escorted him downstairs.

 

* * *

 

Tyler’s family warmly greeted him as he entered his house. He could smell his favorite pizza from the kitchen, and saw a stack of his favorite movies on the coffee table. He smiled and hugged all his family members one by one.

“Go ahead and throw your stuff in your room, we’ll set the table for dinner.” His mom patted him on the back, and Tyler headed upstairs.

Tyler got an odd wave of deja vu as he headed towards his bedroom. He opened the door, and a funny feeling washed over him. He could tell that his brain was still a little foggy, but what he felt when he looked around his room was very strong.

He ran his hands over his bedspread, and felt a twinge of pain in his chest. Why did he feel like this? His head was pounding. Tyler laid down and covered his face with a pillow. He felt like he was spiraling down a rabbit hole.

_The pills._

He sat straight up. Doctor Shepherd had given him pills incase he began to feel “out of control.” He wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but he was sure this qualified. He swallowed a few of the pills dry, and headed downstairs to join his family.

Tyler’s family wasn’t quite sure how to act around him. They were all very cautious of what they said, and tried a little to hard to be cheerful. If Tyler hadn’t just taken several pills, he would have noticed that they all had bags under their eyes, and a worried look behind their smiles. But all Tyler could focus on right now was how good the Pizza tasted.

They spent the rest of the night trying to keep Tyler happy. His family had given him three types of ice cream, and allowed him to pick every movie. Normally Tyler would’ve been uncomfortable with all the attention being on him, but not today.

At the end of the night, Tyler collapsed into his bed, which felt like a pile of clouds, and drifted off to sleep peacefully.

 

 

* * *

 

“Tyler, honey.” His mom shook his shoulder, waking him up. “I’m sorry to wake you up dear, but we have somewhere to go today.”

“Huh?” Tyler sleepily rubbed his eyes. “Where?” He questioned, not wanting to leave his soft, fluffy bed. Ever.

“You’ll see, dear. Just get dressed, okay?” She patted his shoulder.

“Okay mom.”

“I love you Tyler, I’m glad you’re okay.” She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him on the forehead.

“I love you too.” He sat up, and she left so he could get ready.

Tyler’s head was killing him, but he figured he probably shouldn’t take any more pills just yet. He pulled some clothes out of his closet and sluggishly headed for the shower.

The hot steamy water woke him up, and after putting on fresh clothes and brushing his teeth he felt a little better. He grabbed his bottle of pills, _just in case,_ and went downstairs to meet his mom.

“So where we goin’?” he asked, shoving his feet into a pair of shoes.

“Let’s just get in the car honey, we’re going to be late!” Tyler watched as his mom scrambled to grab her purse and keys and phone. She seemed very fidgety and nervous today. He sighed and walked out to the car.

Tyler idly flipped through radio stations as his mom pulled the car out of the driveway. Most of the stations were static or just awful country music. He finally found a radio station that sounded good, and when he looked up he noticed they were in a parking lot already.

Right before his mom reached to turn of the engine, a familiar melody came on the radio.

“Wait!” He reached up to stop her. The music filled the car, it felt so intimate to Tyler, it made him feel funny.

“What is this?” He asked, and his mom just looked at him with pity.

“Oh, Tyler honey… This is you.”

Tyler’s face went pale as he listened closely and realized that yes, that was his own voice coming from the radio. Suddenly memories started coming back to him. He began to remember the lyrics as they flowed to his ears. How could he forget?

He felt for his bottle of pills. _maybe just one._

He took three.

The song ended, and Tyler still hadn’t said anything else. His mom softly removed the key from the car.

“Tyler, are you ready to go inside?” She asked gently. He nodded, unbuckling his seat belt, and exiting the car.

His mom lead him through a large building, up elevators, down hallways, and finally, to a room. Tyler was still too in awe to notice his surroundings. All he could see was the sounds of his music. How could he forget? His mind was swarmed with melodies, lyrics, raps, ukulele, piano.

“Where are we?” He asked, suddenly aware of his surroundings. His mother was fidgeting again, so he simply pushed open the door.

He was in a hospital. He suddenly recognized the smell, the people walking around in scrubs, the ugly patterns on the wall.

And most importantly, he recognized the hospital bed. And in it, hooked up with wires and tubes and machines, was his pink haired angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has been so sad lately, but I promise that it gets a million times better after this. :D Thank you guys all so much for the comments and support, it really means so much to me! I love you all.


	8. You should have stayed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY PLEASE READ NOTES AT THE END THANKS <3

Tyler’s entire world crashed down around him.

He suddenly remembered everything. _Everything._ And it hit him like a ton of bricks. It was like when something has been on the tip of your tongue all day, and you finally remember what it is. Except, that thing is that your best friend is in a coma.  
Tyler fell to his knees next to Josh’s bed, and began to cry.

_“I just told him that you needed some space, and if you wanted to see him… well you would have called.”_ Jenna’s words echoed through his head.

He had chased after Josh but it was too late, his car was crashed into a tree on the side of the road. That’s why he had been so upset with Jenna. It wasn’t because of her cheating on him. He didn’t think Josh would make it, and he blamed Jenna for that. He didn’t want to live in a world without Josh.

Tyler couldn’t help but wonder if Josh felt the same. Had he crashed the car on purpose? Was the thought of Tyler not wanting to see him enough for him to purposely steer his wheel into the tree?

Tyler tried to think back to that night. To remember if it was particularly icy, or if there was a lot of traffic. He couldn’t remember, but he couldn't bare the thought that he was even possibly a part of the cause. That he had put his best friend in this hospital...

He suddenly thought back to when Josh had been in his cell- uh, room, at the mental hospital.

_“So, um… why are you here?”_

_“Oh me? Well. I got into a really bad accident. People thought it was on purpose, so they put me in here to help me out. I’m just trying to tell them it really was an accident.”_

Tyler could only hope that his hallucination of Josh was right.

“Josh, please wake up now.” Tyler pleaded, grabbing Josh’s limp hand. “Joshy please…” he brushed his fingers through Josh’s hair, another tear rolling down his cheek.

“Joshy, I’m sorry. Jenna was wrong. I do want you. I want you more than anything. Please wake up.” Tyler was shaking now. “Please, Josh, please!” he yelled.

Tyler’s mom slowly approached and put her arms around her crying son.

“Tyler sweetie, I know this is so hard for you, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not leaving.” Tyler straightened up and faced his mom, “I’m not leaving this room until Josh wakes up. I need to be here. I have to be here. I can’t leave him.”

“Doctor Shepherd and I agreed that you should stay at the house, to help you-”

“Mom. Me and Josh being apart is what caused all of this. I’m not leaving his side.”

After a minute of thinking it over, his mom simply nodded and hugged him.

“Okay sweetheart. I understand that. But if things start getting bad for you, you have to tell me okay? I just want to help you Tyler.”

“Josh is the only one that can help.” Tyler looked back to his friend. He looked so peaceful, like he was only sleeping. “D-do you think I could, m-maybe lay with him?” Tyler looked hopefully at his mom.

“Well, I think that would be alright... How about I ask the nurse?” Tyler nodded, not taking his eyes off Josh’s face. He was afraid if he let him out of his sight, he may just disappear. _Josh is real._ he had to remind himself.

“The nurse said it’s okay, honey.” Tyler’s mom said from the doorway. “I’m going to have to run home for a bit, but you’ll call me if you need anything?” Tyler nodded again, and Mrs. Joseph left, closing the door behind her.

Tyler carefully crawled onto the bed next to Josh, resting his head on his chest. Tyler thought back to the last time they had been in a bed together.

_Tyler reached his hand up to find Josh’s face in the dark, and before he could think about what he was doing, he pressed his lips against Josh’s.  
For a brief second, he slid his hand to the back of Josh’s neck and pulled him closer, feeling their lips move against each other, Josh’s arms still wrapped around him._

_“Oh god.” Tyler pulled away. “I’m sorry Joshy, I’m so sorry.”_

Maybe if he hadn’t kissed Josh, none of this would have happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS <3
> 
> So in case you weren't reading my other story:
> 
> "Quiet Is Violent//" Is a prequel to this story. SURPRISE. So If you haven't read that yet, please go read it now. I tried to kind of recap what happened, but if you want a better understanding of everything that happened before Tyler woke up in the mental hospital, go read it :) 
> 
> THANK YOU for all the love and comments, I appreciate it so much :D Every comment brightens my day so much! 
> 
> Stay alive |-/


	9. Take it slow

“Tyler, you need to eat something.” His mom begged. He had not left Josh’s bed all day, and it was nearly 11pm now. He just laid next to his unconscious friend, stroking his hair, singing him songs, and occasionally just crying into his still chest.

“I don't care what's in your hair, I just wanna know what's on your mind,” he gently sang to Josh, ignoring his mother completely.

“Sweetheart…” She sighed.

“If you stick around, I'll sing you pretty sounds.”

Mrs. Joseph realized she would never get her son out of that bed, and even the hospital staff could tell that “visiting hours” didn't apply to Tyler.

“I need to go home now Tyler, she leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. She gave him one last worried look before walking out the door.

“I’ll keep a close eye on him,” the nurse assured her. The poor hospital staff had been so understanding through the whole ordeal.

First, when Tyler came in with Josh, and began to have a breakdown, they comforted him and made sure he stayed safe. They even tried (many times) to get him to talk to someone from the psych department. They carefully explained the situation to Josh’s family when they arrived, and looked over them as they processed the news. Then, as Jenna rushed into the ER covered in Tyler's blood, they saved Tyler's life and gave Jenna a mandatory 48 hour stay in psych to make sure she was alright. They bent the rules many times to accommodate the families, and were nothing but supportive. One nurse in particular had brought in food for the families every day to make sure they were well fed.

* * *

  
The next morning, Jenna begged Josh’s parents to take her with them to the hospital. They visited every day whenever they had the chance. They had spent the first few days constantly at the hospital, but they felt safe going home to rest, knowing that Tyler was constantly there with their son.  
Today, Josh’s mom was the only one able to go. She was not very fond of Jenna based on how things looked, but she tried not to blame her for everything that had happened. She reluctantly agreed to give Jenna a ride to the hospital, but did not promise her access to Josh’s room.

“Can I please see them?” Jenna begged the nurse when they arrived, as Mrs. Dun made a beeline for her son. Jenna wished she could do the same. She knew Tyler and Josh were both in the same room, and her guilt was eating her alive.

“I’m very sorry, but I can't allow you in the room right now.” The nurse lied through her teeth, hoping Jenna didn’t know she had legal right to visit both of them. But the nurse knew exactly what would happen if Jenna went in there.

“Under these circumstances, it's in Tyler’s best interest that you not see him unless his doctor is present.”

“Then call him.” Jenna demanded. She wanted to see her husband.

“Yes ma’am.” The nurse said, heading to the front desk to find Doctor Shepherd’s number.

Half an hour later, Doctor Shepherd appeared in the waiting room to greet Jenna.

“Jenna, I think you should let me go speak to Tyler first, you know he’s very fragile right now.”

“If you just let me see him-”

“Let me talk to him.” The Doctor insured, although once again, he knew he couldn't stop Jenna from entering the room. Much to his relief, Jenna nodded and allowed him to pass her.

“Tyler?” Doctor Shepherd asked, entering the room.

“You told me he wasn't real.” Tyler said coldly, refusing to take his eyes off Josh. He wasn't laying in the bed this time, he had needed to stretch his legs, so he was simply standing at Josh's side.

“That's what I thought was in your best interest, Tyler.” He sighed. “Jenna is outside, she would like to speak with you.”

This caught Tyler’s attention, almost enough to look away from Josh. “Send her in.” He said, shocking everyone in the room.

“Are you-”

“Yes.” He knew exactly what he wanted to say to her.

“Alright…” Doctor Shepherd sighed. He opened the door and motioned for Jenna to enter the room.

“Tyler! I’m so sorry about everything, I really am! I just-”

“I want a divorce.” He calmly interrupted her, still not looking up from Josh’s restful face.

“What?” Jenna's jaw dropped. “Tyler, can we talk about this? ...in private?”

Tyler finally turned around to face her.

“Jenna, do you see what you did to my best friend?” He said bitterly, “did you see what this did to me? Were you paying attention?”

“Tyler you can't blame me forever!” She cried. “His car probably hit a patch of ice, I had nothing to do with that!”

“Jenna, I think you need to leave.” Josh’s mom said angrily.

“I'm not leaving until we talk about this, Tyler!”

“There's nothing to discuss. We’re getting a divorce. You can't just cheat on me, force my best friend away, and expect everything to be alright! It's not alight Jenna! If he never comes back.. If he never…” Tyler was sobbing now.

“Don't say that!” Jenna and Mrs. Dun yelled in unison, making Tyler cry harder.

“Stopppp,” someone groaned, silencing everyone. They all looked to the center of the room to see that Josh’s eyes were open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <333
> 
> Written&posted from my phone, hope it looks okay.
> 
> JOSHIE LIVES.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love you all so much, heres more. <33

Josh felt Tyler shaking next to him, and groggily opened his eyes. He could now hear small wimpering noises coming from Tyler.

“Tyler? Hey…” He propped himself up on one elbow, leaning over Tyler. “Are you alright?” Josh’s concern grew as Tyler said nothing.

“N-n-no,” he finally stuttered out

“I was hav-v-ing a ba-ad dream. I’m s-sorry Josh-h.” Josh just wanted to scoop Tyler up and hold him forever. The last thing he needed to do, EVER, was apologize to him.

“Nooooo, Tyler, no.” He hugged him tighter. “No need to be sorry at all!” Josh wished he knew what to do for him, but Tyler refused to tell him what was going on.

“Tyler, you know I’m here for you right? I’m not going anywhere.” Josh felt Tyler bury his face into Josh’s chest and begin crying harder. Josh just wanted to take care of Tyler, take away whatever was causing him so much pain. He just wanted him to be okay.

“Tyler, I want to help you. I don’t know what is hurting you, and you don’t have to tell me, I just need to know if there is anything I can do, If there is any way I can help you at all, I’ll do it.”

Josh felt Tyler’s hands on his face in the dark, and suddenly Tyler’s lips were pressed against his. He felt Tyler’s slide his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss, their lips moving against each other. Josh had been wanting this moment for so long, but he didn’t think Tyler felt the same.

“Oh god.” Tyler pulled away, and Josh’s heart stopped. “I’m sorry Joshy, I’m so sorry.” He jumped out of his bed and ran out of the room.

“Wait! Tyler!” Josh sat up, still in shock. “...It’s okay.” he whispered, even though Tyler could no longer hear him.

* * *

Suddenly Tyler’s lips were pressed against his. He felt Tyler’s slide his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss, their lips moving against each other. Josh had been wanting this moment for so long, but he didn’t think Tyler felt the same.

“Oh god.” Tyler pulled away, and Josh’s heart stopped. “I’m sorry Joshy, I’m so sorry.” Before Tyler could move, Josh grabbed his arm.

“Tyler, I-” He couldn’t think of the words fast enough. How could he explain to Tyler that this was everything he wanted?

“Josh, you don’t have to say anything.” Tyler pushed him away and darted out the door.

* * *

Suddenly Tyler’s lips were pressed against his. He felt Tyler’s slide his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss, their lips moving against each other. Josh had been wanting this moment for so long, but he didn’t think Tyler felt the same.

“Oh god.” Tyler pulled away, and Josh’s heart stopped. “I’m sorry Joshy, I’m so sorry.” Determined not to let Tyler leave, Josh rolled over and pinned Tyler to the bed.

“Tyler-”

“I’m sorry!” Tyler burst out into tears, and even in the darkness he could see the fear in Tyler’s eyes. “Don’t hurt me please, Joshy I’m sorry!”

“Oh, no, Tyler! I didn’t-” He jumped back, and Tyler scrambled up and ran out of the room. He couldn’t believe he had actually scared Tyler. Did he really think he was capable of hurting him? The pain in Josh’s chest consumed him.

* * *

Suddenly Tyler’s lips were pressed against his. He felt Tyler’s slide his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss, their lips moving against each other. Josh had been wanting this moment for so long, but he didn’t think Tyler felt the same.

“Oh god.” Tyler pulled away, and Josh’s heart stopped. “I’m sorry Joshy, I’m so sorry.” Josh had no idea what to do.

“Please don’t leave Tyler.” He hesitated to reach for Tyler’s hand, but he still pulled away and left the room. Josh could only stare after him. The blackness eventually enveloped him entirely.

* * *

Suddenly Tyler’s lips were pressed against his. He felt Tyler’s slide his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss, their lips moving against each other. Josh had been wanting this moment for so long, but he didn’t think Tyler felt the same.

“Oh god.” Tyler pulled away, and Josh’s heart stopped. “I’m sorry Joshy, I’m so sorry.”

“TYLER I WANT THIS!” He exclaimed, loudly. Probably way louder than he should have. Tyler simply froze in place, staring at him with wide eyes.

“I...I’m not sure I do.. I think think that was a mistake.” Tyler got up slowly and wandered out the door, shattering Josh’s heart into a million pieces.

* * *

Suddenly Tyler’s lips were pressed against his. He felt Tyler’s slide his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss, their lips moving against each other. Josh had been wanting this moment for so long, but he didn’t think Tyler felt the same.

“Oh god.” Tyler pulled away, and Josh’s heart stopped. “I’m sorry Joshy, I’m so sorry.” This time, Josh just watched as Tyler ran out of the room.

He slowly stood up, and walked after him. He watched as Tyler paced around the kitchen, tugging at his hair and whispering to himself. Josh carefully stepped into the kitchen, allowing Tyler to see him.

“Tyler, do you want me?” He asked cautiously, taking care not to move suddenly, as if he was approaching a scared animal. Tyler looked like a deer in the headlights. And a frightened kitten in a storm. And a puppy that had just destroyed the couch. All at once. Tyler finally just gave him a look of defeat and hung his head.

“Yes.” He sighed. The corners of Josh’s mouth turned up into a smile as he carefully walked closer to Tyler. He flinched a bit, but did not run away.

“Tyler,” Josh gently used his hand to tilt Tyler’s chin up so he could make eye contact. “I want you too.”

Tyler looked confused, and It took a few moments for Josh’s words to sink in.

“Y-you do?” He asked, as if Josh was about to yell ‘April Fools,’ or something.

“Yes silly, I always have.” Josh smiled, and carefully lowered his lips down to meet Tyler’s, and wrapped his arms around him. To his delight, Tyler kissed back.

* * *

Josh’s head was killing him. Actually, every inch of him was killing him. But his head was the worst. It felt like he dove head first into the shallow end of a swimming pool. Then stayed underwater for like 10 years. Everything was swimmy and fuzzy and PAINFUL.

Suddenly, there was something nice. There was a warmth in his chest. A soft humming sound, just far enough that he couldn’t make out any words, but it sounded like an angel singing. It smelled like Tyler. Comforted, he slowly drifted back off.

The pain came back. Everything was bright. And loud. He could hear shouting, but couldn’t make out the voices. The people sounded upset? He couldn’t figure it out. Things slowly started to gain a little more focus.

Suddenly he heard a voice that he would know anywhere. It was Tyler. He couldn’t make out his words, but he sounded so upset…

“Tyler!” He tried to call out, but none of his muscles seemed to be working.

But then…it sounded like Tyler was crying? Who was making Tyler cry? What were they doing? They needed to stop it. Now.

“Stoppp!” He tried to yell. It came out as more of a groan, but at least it was something. It made whoever was making Tyler cry finally shut up.

With great difficulty, he was able to open his eyes. He quickly found Tyler’s face, and resolved not to let his gaze ever look away again if he could help it. Tyler looked so sweet, angelic. He just wanted to stare at him forever.

“Joshy?” Tyler’s voice was even more beautiful than he remembered. “I’m sorry Joshy.” Tyler wrapped his arms around him, and Josh struggled to move one of his hands to Tyler’s back to return the hug. “Never apologize to me, angel.” He whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm sorry for posting a bunch today, but this week is going to be super busy and I won't be able to write much :(
> 
> PLEASE DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME. I PROMISE IM COMING BACK.


	11. Chapter 11

Josh’s mind raced. The scene of Tyler kissing him kept running through his mind, and he was fighting through the fog to remember what really happened; what was real. But it was becoming increasingly difficult, as all he could focus on was Tyler, and how his arms felt wrapped around him, and how wonderful he smelled, and how he wished he could do something to stop him from crying. 

Tyler had not stopped crying since Josh woke up. In fact, he had not moved. He was still leaning over Josh’s bed, sobbing into his chest. Josh’s mom was seated near the bed, hand outstretched to hold his hand. Doctor Shepherd pulled Jenna to the corner of the room, to give Tyler some space. 

Josh glanced at Jenna. All he could think of were Jenna’s last words to him.

_“He’s my husband, not yours. If he wanted you here, don’t you think he’d call?”_

Josh strained his neck to look down at Tyler, who looked absolutely broken.

He turned his head to his mom and squeezed her hand. 

“I love you mom.” He smiled. 

“I love you too sweetie! I’m so happy you’re awake.” She stood up, taking a step towards her son. 

“D-d-do you think me and Tyler could be alone for a few minutes?” He raised his eyebrows hopefully. 

“Oh… Of course, sweetheart. Absolutely.” She leaned down and kissed her son on the forehead, then motioned for Doctor Shepherd and Jenna to follow her out of the room, closing the door behind them. 

“Ty… Come here.” Josh patted the bed next to him, hoping that Tyler would join him. Tyler froze for a second, and Jenna’s words ran through Josh’s head again. _“If he wanted you here, don’t you think he’d call?”_

All the same feelings began to rush through him. Tyler, _did_ run away after the kiss-

His thought was interrupted by Tyler crawling into the bed next to him. Tyler nuzzled his face into Josh’s neck. 

Unlike Josh, the kiss was the last thing on Tyler’s mind. All Tyler could think about was how happy he was that Josh was real, and alive. And he just couldn’t stop crying. Tyler hadn’t just been _close_ to losing his friend. He actually did. It wasn’t like everyone else, who spent the last few weeks watching Josh lay in a hospital bed, not knowing if he was dead or alive. No.

Tyler lost Josh when he kissed him.

Tyler lost Josh when he watched the EMTs pull his body from the car wreck. 

Tyler lost Josh when he heard the words _severe head trauma_ and _coma._

Tyler lost Josh when he tried to leave the world behind. 

Tyler lost Josh when the Doctors told him that Josh wasn’t real. 

Tyler lost Josh when he believed them. 

Truthfully, Tyler had lost Josh over and over again, and the only thing on his mind right now was keeping him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK <3


	12. Chapter 12

“Hey Josh?” Tyler asked, when he finally calmed down. “C-can we just be f-friends again?” he stuttered a little. He just wanted his best friend back. He couldn’t stand losing him ever again. He wasn’t taking any risks this time.

“Of course!” Josh exclaimed, although he couldn’t help but wonder exactly what Tyler meant. Did he mean _let’s just get this over with and be friends again,_ or did he mean _lets be JUST friends?_

He decided not to worry too much about it. Either way, Tyler wanted to be in his life again, and that’s what really matters, right? He should just be grateful that he was even there, what if he woke up and Tyler wasn’t even at the hospital?

“So, uh, how many bones did I break?” Josh asked, looking down at his body, which he was now noticing was covered in casts and bandages.

“What? ...oh.” Tyler sighed. “I don't actually know.”

“Duuude, where have you been? The doctors didn't even mention it?” Josh asked, surprised. “How long have I been here by the way?” Suddenly so many questions were running through his head.

“Uh, Joshie I really don't know. Look, a lot happened and I've got some things to explain I guess…”

“Mr. Dun?” a Doctor stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.

“That's me. I think.” Josh laughed.

“I'm Doctor Sloan. Good news! It appears you're doing really well. We’re willing to let you go home, but you’ll need to be monitored 24/7 for a while to make sure there are no other complications. You’ll want to consider staying with family, or having someone stay at your house for the next few weeks.” The doctor glanced at Tyler, who was still laying in Josh’s bed.

“I’ll do it!” Tyler squeaked. “I mean, I don't really want to go back to Jenna’s anyways. I’ll take care of Josh.”

“Wait, did something happen with Jenna? How much have I missed??” Josh looked confused.

“You two obviously have a lot to talk about,” the doctor cleared his throat. “I’ll give you guys some privacy, and i’ll go find your mom and tell her the news.” The doctor exited the room, and Josh returned his attention to Tyler.

“Josh… I’m divorcing Jenna.” Tyler exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

“You are?” Josh tried not to sound to excited, but he couldn't help but wonder if he really did have a chance to be with Tyler.

“I know what she said to you… Before you left…” Tyler desperately wanted to ask if Josh had crashed the car on purpose, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. “And, she was cheating anyways. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that before Josh, you just… We'll you always took my mind off the bad stuff with Jenna, so she was the last thing I wanted to talk about when we were together.”

“Ty, I completely understand.” Everything suddenly made so much more sense.

“That's not why i- uh- never mind.” Tyler stammered. He didn't want Josh to think he only kissed him because he was sad about his wife's infidelity. He had wanted to kiss Josh for long before that. He just didn't know if he should even bring all that up again. 

“It's alright Tyler.” Josh soothed. “So you’ll stay with me?”

“Of course I will.” Tyler reached to grab Josh’s hand, careful not to squeeze too tightly.

“Josh honey?” Mrs. Dun knocked on the door.

“Yeah mom?”

“Are you ready to go home?” She smiled brightly, and Josh nodded enthusiastically. However, his face fell into a frown when he saw his mom push a wheelchair into the room.

“Do...do I need that?” Josh’s face went pale.

“Sweetheart, you broke your leg, and your other one isn't looking so great either.” Josh looked down at his legs- she was right. They didn't look so good. 

Tyler climbed out of the bed, so he and Josh’s mom could help him into the wheelchair

“I can get Josh, if you want to gather up all the cards and flowers?” Mrs. Dun said, starting to wheel Josh out the door. Tyler hadn't even noticed, but the room was filled with gifts and bouquets and cards and letters.

“Of course,” Tyler said under his breath with a smile. Everyone loves Josh. Josh is amazing, and kind, and funny, and sweet, and cute, and caring, and handsome…

Tyler quickly scooped up all of the vases and cards, and ran after Josh and his mom. He caught up to them in the parking lot, and packed everything into the trunk of Mrs Dun’s car.

“Tyler, could you help me lift him into the car?” Tyler quickly nodded and helped with Josh, then climbed into the car himself.

“Oh, uh, it's alright if I catch a ride with you, right?” Tyler stammered. Should he have called his own mom?

“Tyler of course! You know you're always welcome.” She smiled, starting the car. However, to Tyler's surprise they did not drive to Josh’s house (that he had recently been renting, and hoping to buy). They drove to his parents house, where he had grown up.

“Mom I-”

“Let's just go inside,” Mrs. Dun shushed Josh and quickly got him back into his wheelchair, and Tyler silently followed. When they stepped through the front door, the lights suddenly flashed on to reveal more flowers, and streamers, and all of Josh’s loved ones; including Tyler's entire family.

“Surprise!” Josh’s mom exclaimed. “I didn't want to overwhelm you, but everyone was just so excited to see you again.”

“It’s cool, thanks mom!” Josh smiled. “Hey everyone!” He looked around at all the expectant faces. It was as if everyone was waiting for him to say something. “I’m really glad to see you all, thanks for the cards and stuff, sorry for scaring you all like that.”

“We’re just so happy you're okay!” Tyler’s mom ran over to give him a hug, then turned to her own son. “We’re here for you too, Tyler. We’re all just so glad that you're both home now.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Josh asked, and the room fell silent.

“Oh dear…” Mrs. Joseph sighed, not realizing that Josh had no clue about Tyler’s own hospitalization.

“I’ve just been spending all my time in the hospital too.” Tyler explained, “I didn't want to leave you alone.” Tyler felt bad, even though both of his statements were technically true, he knew he was misleading Josh. But he was terribly embarrassed that he attempted to kill himself over Josh, and wasn't ready to tell him that. Josh had enough on his plate, he didn't need to feel responsible for Tyler too.

Josh looked concerned, but it wasn't long before he was distracted by a million questions and people wanting to sign his casts. The day went by quickly, with Tyler and Josh never running out of people to talk to. Eventually Mrs. Dun got another chance to speak to Josh.

“Sweetheart, I think we should turn the study into your bedroom, so you don't have to worry about using the stairs, and-”

“Mom,” Josh interrupted, “I was planning to stay at my own place…”

“I uh, I offered to help him out and stuff.” Tyler added, sheepishly.

“Honey, you don't have to do that, we’d love to have Josh back at home with us anyway, and it seems like you and Jenna have some things to work out. You can still come visit Josh any time, but he isn't your responsibility. You need to get your own rest, and I’m sure your family wants to see more of you as well.“

“Um, okay.” Tyler stood up, “Yeah I guess if that’s what’s best.” He tried to shuffle away, hoping nobody would notice how disappointed he looked.

“Ty, wait!” Josh instinctively tried to stand up, and his mother grabbed his arm to steady him. He simply winced and shifted all his weight to the better of his two legs.

“Josh-” She tried, but he ignored her.

“It’s fine Josh.” Tyler sniffled a little, still walking away.

“TYLER,” Josh called, and he finally stopped and turned around. Everyone’s eyes were on him, but all Josh could see was Tyler. Right now, Josh and Tyler were the only two people on the planet.

“I love you.” He breathed, “I have, for a very long time. I’m crazy about you. I want to be with you, every day. And I would love nothing more than for you to stay with me. Please.”

Josh felt like he was dying inside. He wasn’t sure if it was the pain coming from standing up, or the fact that he just confessed his love for Tyler in front of a room full of their friends and family, or the shocked look on Tyler’s face, and the possibility of him not returning those feelings. It felt like time stopped as he searched Tyler’s face, waiting for some sort of reaction.

Tyler couldn’t believe it. He had to take a second to replay Josh’s words in his head. Was this real? Before he could process what he was doing, his feet were carrying him quickly across the room, closer to Josh, and his arms were wrapping around his neck, and he was kissing Josh Dun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the love and comments! You all make me so happy :D


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys <3 I love you all so much. also, smut alert. Thanks for reading!

Josh was stunned. Barely two seconds had passed between Tyler standing absolutely frozen, and Tyler’s arms wrapped around him, lips locked on his. There was a collective gasp as everyone took in the sight of Tyler and Josh’s kiss. However, both of the boys were completely oblivious to everyone staring at them, wide eyed with their mouths hanging open.  
The silence was almost deafening as everyone held their breath. The entire room was stunned. Tyler’s siblings exchanged glances, although they were barely able to tear their eyes away from the scene. They had always suspected there was something more between them, but they never thought Tyler would actually _do_ anything about it. Josh’s siblings on the other hand, were less surprised. Josh was very open about his affection for Tyler, and they knew it was only a matter of time before he did something stupid, like shout “I love you,” in front of all their family.

“Finally,” Mrs. Joseph whispered under her breath, almost inaudibly. Mr. Joseph shot her a glance, but even he couldn’t deny that this was inevitable.

Still ignoring everyone else, Josh placed his hands on Tyler’s hips. Half because he wanted to and half because he was about to fall over. Tyler slowly pulled back from the kiss, arms still around Josh’s neck, and leaned their foreheads together. “I love you too.” he whispered, and Josh’s heart felt like it was exploding in his chest. All his fears were suddenly put to rest, Tyler really did return his feelings.

“Let’s go home,” Tyler smiled, scooping Josh up into his arms. Josh grinned from ear to ear as Tyler headed for the door. After carrying Josh about 3 feet, he turned around.

“Okay, we might need that.” He nodded his head towards the wheelchair.

“Maybe,” Josh giggled, and Tyler carried him back and set him down in his chair. Tyler looked around, suddenly remembered that they were in a room full of people.

“So, uh, if it’s alright with you, me and Josh are gunna head out of here!” Tyler beamed, although everyone else still seemed at a loss for words.

“Okay, well, call if you need anything…” Josh’s mom sounded uncertain, but she stepped out of the way to allow Josh and Tyler to leave.

“I love you all!” Josh shouted as Tyler wheeled him out the door. Josh laughed as Tyler quickly pushed him down the driveway.

“Uh, Josh… I just realized I don’t have a car here.” Tyler laughed.

“Dude just roll me home.” Josh was laughing too, because honestly nothing could ruin his mood at this point. Tyler freaking Joseph just said ‘I love you,’ and was going to, at least temporarily, live with him. He couldn’t be happier.

So Tyler happily began pushing Josh’s wheelchair down the sidewalk.

“Oh gosh, it’s starting to rain!” Josh said, looking down at his shirt, which was now dotted with raindrops.

“I’ll hurry.” Tyler smiled, secretly grateful. Every cool drop that hit Tyler’s skin simply served as a reminder that he wasn’t dreaming. This was, in fact, real life. Thankfully, Josh did not live far from his parents, so they were only _slightly_ soaked by the time they got there.

“So wait.” Tyler said, as he wheeled him in the front door. “Do you actually mean that? You love me?”

“Tyler.” Josh grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him down to his level. “I love you. I really do mean that.” He leaned forward, his face inches from Tyler’s. “And I’ve been wanting to kiss you for fucking ever.”

“So fucking kiss me.”

Josh leaned forward again, allowing his lips to just barely brush against Tyler’s.

“You sure?” he asked, his breath warming Tyler’s lips. Tyler swallowed and nodded. Josh placed a hand on the back of Tyler’s neck, bringing him closer. He roughly pushed his lips into Tyler’s, trying to memorize the feeling of kissing him. Tyler grabbed Josh’s face, trying to pull him even closer. It was everything he had ever wanted, and he just couldn’t get enough.

 

* * *

 

“Jenna, I think you should sit down.” Tyler’s mom said calmly. She figured somebody should let Jenna know what was going on, so she took it upon herself to make the visit. Thankfully, Jenna was home when she stopped by.

“What’s going on? Is Tyler okay? Josh?” Jenna was panicking now.

“Josh is home now, he’s staying at his own house, under 24 hour supervision.”

Jenna took a deep breath. “And Tyler?”

“Tyler… is the 24 hour supervision.” Jenna’s face fell at Mrs. Joseph’s words. “Josh, um.. Well, he and Tyler… Appear to be. Um, Well. In love.” She was wringing her hands nervously, how do you tell your daughter in law that your son is in love with another man??

“Are...are you kidding me?” Jenna sighed. “I knew this was bad news. I just… I thought we were going to work things out!”

“Honey,” Mrs. Joseph grabbed her hand, sympathetically. “Are you honestly surprised? Sure nobody expects this sort of thing, but surely it isn’t a shock. You’ve seen those two together. Maybe they were the last two to figure it out, but they mean the world to each other. Haven’t you noticed how they look at one another? Like they’re the only two people in the room? The way they just light up when the other walks in the room…”

As her words set in, Jenna began to cry. She didn’t want it to be true, but she knew her mother in law was right.

 

* * *

 

“Thanks for making me dinner Ty!” Josh purred happily. Tyler had taken the time to cook him a full meal, and serve it to him on the couch. He also set up Josh with plenty of snacks and games and movies, determined to not let him be miserable for a single moment.

“I’ll cook for you every night,” Tyler smiled, “You can make it up to me someday!” he laughed. Josh yawned sleepily, and Tyler reached for his phone to check the time.

“Oh wow, its actually really late. Do you want me to help you to your bed?” Tyler asked.

“Yes please, and thank you.” Josh grinned. Tyler scooped him up gently, and carried him up the stairs.

“I can move your bed downstairs if you want me to,” Tyler thought out loud, “We could put it in the living room and put the couch upstairs.” He laughed.

“I’m fine with you carrying me up the stairs every night.” Josh winked.

“Oh man, I’m going to be so buff.” Tyler joked, flexing his muscles. Josh smiled and placed a kiss gently on Tyler’s cheek, and Tyler set him on his bed.

“So uh, I’m uh…” Tyler scratched the back of his neck, unsure if he was supposed to stay with Josh, or sleep on the couch, or…

“You know, I think you ought to stay in here with me.” Josh said decisively, noticing how Tyler looked anxious. “They DID say 24 hour supervision!” He grinned.

“You’re right, I should stay. You know, to keep an eye on you.” Tyler nodded happily, sitting on the bed next to Josh.

“Could you, uh, help me?” Josh asked, nervously. “I need help with my pajamas.” He blushed, and Tyler realized how difficult and painful it must be for Josh to change clothes.

“Absolutely.” Tyler was blushing now too. He had seen Josh’s body before, but he had never personally taken his clothes off.

“So, uh, I’ll just..” He nervously motioned with his hands, “Take off your shirt now..” Tyler nervously pulled Josh’s shirt over his head with shaky hands. 

He couldn’t help but stare at Josh’s body. Not only was it beautifully muscular, but it was also red and black and blue. He gently leaned forward, and began placing small, gentle kisses along Josh’s skin. He kissed his way across Josh’s chest, up his neck, along his jaw line, and up to his lips. All along the way appreciating how beautiful he was. Josh eagerly kissed back, suddenly aware of the fact that Tyler Joseph was _in his fucking bed._

Tyler, with more confidence this time, slid off Josh’s shorts and gently helped him lay down before returning to kissing him. He allowed his fingers to gently trace over Josh’s skin, careful to avoid the particularly bad areas. Josh let out a soft moan as Tyler’s fingers began to reach lower.

“Um, is that okay?” Tyler asked, sheepishly. Josh only responded by kissing Tyler harder, which he assumed was a yes. He slowly let his hands continue to wander, taking in the way Josh felt against him. He cautiously moved his palm across Josh's boxers, and could feel Josh’s fingers in his hair, tugging gently. Tyler’s face was bright red now, he was nervous and excited at the same time. He never imagined that this would ever actually happen, but somehow it just felt so right.

“You know,” Josh said between kisses, “You need pajama’s too.” he smiled, using his good hand to pull at Tyler’s shirt.

“Thats definitely true,” Tyler smiled, pulling his shirt the rest of the way off.

“Ty….What’s this….” Josh frowned, grabbing Tyler’s wrist. Tyler had forgotten the giant gash down his arm.


	14. Chapter 14

“Joshie….” Tyler bit his lip. “You… you missed a lot.” he frowned. 

“Tyler. Just tell me what happened.” Josh was scared, and he couldn’t stop staring at Tyler’s stitched up skin. 

“That night, I, um.. I saw your car leaving the driveway. I knew I should have called you Josh. I know. But I didn’t think you felt the same. After I kissed you… I thought i messed up, badly. I was scared Josh. I thought I lost you, and I was afraid you didn’t want me to call…” Tyler was shaking, and Josh scooted forward on the bed, wrapping his arms around Tyler. 

“So, uh. I saw your car leaving. I ran downstairs, and Jenna told me what she said to you. Joshy I did want to see you, believe me! I wanted to see you…” Tyler could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but he knew he had to continue. Josh needed to know what happened.

“I went after you.” Tyler sighed, and Josh pulled back to look him in the eyes.

“Y-you did? You went after me?” Josh asked, stunned. 

“Yeah, I did. I was the first one to see…. I saw your car wrapped around that tree, and I just…I couldn’t take it Josh. I watched as they pulled you out of the car, I-I-I was in the ambulance. You didn’t look like you were gunna make it. I was sure you were already gone before we got to the hospital. There was so much blood… So much…” Tyler was sobbing now. Josh pulled his head gently into his chest and let Tyler cry on him. 

“I stayed at the hospital” Tyler sniffed, trying to continue. “They said it would be a while, you needed a lot of surgery. Your family was there, and your mom told me to go home and rest. I should have stayed… I should have never left that hospital Joshie. I didn’t have my car, so i walked… it was really late. I… I stopped at the bar to have a drink. I thought it would help but it didn’t. It just made everything feel so much worse. I shouldn’t have been drinking. I should’ve never left your side.” He sighed. 

“I went home, and Jenna was still up. And.. It was her fault. If she had let you stay, none of this would have happened. I shouldn’t have been so hard on her, but I thought she… I thought she killed you. I didn’t think, I thought… I didn’t think you made it…” Tyler sobbed into Josh’s chest for a few minutes, trying to regain his composure. 

“I yelled at her.” His voice was small and quiet now, and the tears stopped. “I told her that she killed you. And…” Tyler gulped, and squeezed his eyes shut. “And i grabbed a knife. And tried to take my life right in front of her.” 

Josh froze. The whole room was spinning. He tried to understand Tyler’s words, but he just couldn’t wrap his mind around it. His vision began to blur, and...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!
> 
> I'm so sorry it's been so long. I missed you all! My life has been a little crazy lately (random person attacked me on the street; people are crazy). But things are settling down and I finally have time to write again! 
> 
> I know this was a short one but I just wanted to at least post something today
> 
> thank you all, much love <3


	15. Chapter 15

_One, two, three, four, five,_

Jenna watched the seconds tick by.

_six, seven, eight, nine, ten,_

She tried to look away, but her eyes were glued to the timer on her phone.

_ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,_

The milliseconds sped right by, but somehow each full second felt longer and longer.

_sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty,_

Her heart had to be beating a million times a minute now.

_twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five,_

She could barely breath.

_twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty._

| |

Her heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm back with some angst for ya. 
> 
> Another chapter coming tonight!*
> 
> *Sorry for my lies, its been a few days and now I feel bad. More angst is on the way though.


	16. Chapter 16

“Tyler… You…” Josh couldn’t find the words, so he simply leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Tyler, pulling him into his chest. “Please never do that again.” He whispered.

“I’m sorry Joshie.” Tyler said softly, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes again. 

“Tyler.” Josh pulled back, placing a hand on each side of Tyler’s face. “Please don’t be sorry. Don’t feel guilty, okay? Just please don’t do it again. Please, for me, Tyler. I can’t lose you. Not again.”  
“..a-again?” Tyler stuttered, a bit confused. 

“I… I thought, well… It was real, to me. I did lose you. When Jenna said that you didn’t want to see me, I really believed that I had lost you.” Josh bit his lip, fighting back tears of his own. “I was sure that you honestly just did not want to see me again, and… I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t live without you Ty.”

“Wait… did you.. a-are you saying that…Josh?” 

Josh nodded, bursting into tears. 

“I cr-cra-ashed… o-o-n p-pur-p-pose...” the words spilled out of him through his sobs, and Tyler quickly pulled Josh into his lap as much as he could. Tyler had stopped crying, and was just completely in shock. He couldn’t quite comprehend what Josh was telling him. He knew he should understand, but somehow it felt to large to wrap his head around.

Josh had crashed his car into that tree on purpose. It wasn’t the ice, it wasn’t an accident. Josh wanted to die. The thought of Tyler not wanting him was enough to make him crash his car. 

Still cradling Josh against his chest, Tyler started talking. 

“Josh. I want you. I will remind you of that every day. Don’t ever believe that I don’t want you, okay? I don’t want to live a life without you in it. I will continue to tell you that as many times as you need to hear it.” 

All Tyler could do was hold Josh while he cried, and hope that Josh believed him. After a few minutes, Josh began to regain composure.

“Tyler, I-” he was cut off by Tyler’s phone ringing. “Oh, uh, d’you wanna get that?” Josh asked, pulling back a little. Tyler immediately pulled Josh back into his chest.

“No.” Tyler said, without even glancing at his phone. 

This caused a small giggle to escape from Josh, and he pressed his lips to the side of Tyler’s neck. “You really are an angel, Ty.” 

“Nah, you’re the angel, trust me.” Tyler said, thinking back to the hallucinations. “You don’t know how much I mean that.”

“What do you mean?” Josh asked, pulling back to look Tyler in the eyes. 

“Um… Well, I was put in a hospital too. A, uh, mental hospital. When I woke up, I didn’t really remember what happened. They had me on a lot of medications, and I uh… Well I guess I was kinda hallucinating.” Tyler wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry, but it felt so awkward to admit.

“Anyways, I hallucinated this pink haired angel who kept visiting me, and...He’s really what kept me going, ya know? He felt familiar...safe. He made me actually laugh and smile again. I think I actually kinda fell for him.” Tyler blushed, and Josh felt a pang of jealousy for whatever this hallucination was. 

“But the doctors… They kept telling me he wasn’t real. My best friend, my… love. wasn’t real. It tore me apart.” Josh simply stared at him, eyes wide. “Anyways,” he cleared his throat. “I finally pieced together what happened with Jenna, and they let me go home with my family. Then imagine my surprise when they drag me to a hospital, and show me that my pink haired angel was real all along, just in a bit of a coma.”

“Wait, it was me?” Josh asked, baffled. 

“Yes silly, it was you! I practically had freakin’ amnesia, but my brain still came up with a way to make you exist.” 

“TYLER!” Josh exclaimed, leaning forward and pushing Tyler onto his back. “I fucking love you.” He said, leaning down to gently kiss Tyler on the lips. 

“Don’t hurt yourself!” Tyler giggled through the kisses. “You’re supposed to be resting in bed while I take care of you!” 

“Oh you’ve taken great care of me, Ty. I think it’s time I take care of you.” Josh smiled, moving to kiss along Tyler’s jaw and down his neck.


	17. Chapter 17

Tyler woke up drowzy and in a bit of a haze. Images from last night flashed through his head, and he couldn’t help but blush. He propped himself on one elbow and looked around the room. His and Josh’s clothes were tossed across the room haphazardly, and Josh was laying wrapped up in a sheet, in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. Tyler quietly leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Josh’s cheek before slipping out of bed. He carefully tiptoed around the room, as not to wake Josh, and collected their clothes to throw in the laundry. He dug around through some drawers and pulled on a pair of fresh boxers and some black skinny jeans. He then paused to admire Josh- he was sleeping so peacefully, the early sunlight softly making his pink hair glow against his white sheets. He picked up his phone from the nightstand, and saw he had several missed calls and messages from Jenna.

 _Oh great…_ he thought, shoving his phone in his back pocket.

He headed down the hall and tossed the clothes in the laundry room to be washed before heading downstairs. He made his way to the kitchen and began digging around for something to make Josh for breakfast.

 

* * *

When Josh woke up, Tyler was nowhere to be found. His clothes were gone from the floor, his phone was no longer on the nightstand, and the other side of the bed was empty.

“Tyler?” Josh called, hoping he had stepped into the bathroom across the hall. “Hey Tyler?” he called again, this time louder. “TYLER?”

No response.

Josh pulled himself to the edge of the bed, and looked hopelessly down at his damaged legs. Still, he tried to prop himself up onto his feet. After several minutes, he finally gained his balance, and attempted to reach for the wall. He tumbled forward, loudly falling to the ground.

“Ty!” He called, trying to pull himself towards the door.

Tyler was downstairs flipping pancakes when he heard a loud crash upstairs. _Oh, shit. Josh._ He turned off the stove and dashed up the stairs.

“Josh?!” he called, “I’m coming!” he ran to Josh’s room, to find him laying on the floor, looking defeated.

“I.. I thought maybe you left..” Josh said quietly.

“Joshie, no!” Tyler rushed to Josh’s side, and helped him up. “I would never.” He pressed his lips to Josh’s forehead and eased him back into bed. “I’m very sorry for scaring you like that. I was only downstairs making you pancakes. I won’t do that again, okay? I’ll leave you notes so you always know where I am.” He grabbed Josh’s hand and softly kissed it, looking into Josh’s eyes.

“Okay, I’m just glad you’re still here.” Josh sighed, wrapping his arms around Tyler.


	18. Chapter 18

Tyler's phone continued to buzz on the kitchen table as he carried a plate of hot breakfast up to Josh. 

Tyler's phone continued to buzz on the kitchen table as he laid in bed with Josh, nibbling on pancakes and bacon while the sun poured into the room filling it with warmth.

Tyler's phone continued to buzz on the kitchen table as he slowly kissed Josh, their hands wandering all over each other.

Tyler's phone continued to buzz on the kitchen table as they passionately kissed under the sheets, exploring every inch of each other.

Tyler's phone continued to buzz on the kitchen table as they lazily napped and an afternoon breeze drifted in from the window.

Tyler's phone continued to buzz on the kitchen table while they pulled more blanket over each other and cuddled up for a movie. 

Tyler's phone continued to buzz on the kitchen table.

Tyler's phone continued to buzz.

Tyler's phone continued to buzz.

Continued to buzz.

buzz.

 


	19. Chapter 19

"Ty, I'm hungry." Josh moaned, giving him a light shove. 

"bluuuugrhhphhhh." Tyler huffed, pulling the blanket up over his head. 

"I need food, we've been in bed for like 24 hours now, c'monnnnn." Josh begged. "You're su'posed to take care 'a me."

"Oooh, i'm sorry," Tyler perked up with a smirk, "Did i not take care of you well enough last night?"

"Oh you took care of me alright," Josh pulled Tyler into a long kiss, but his point was proved when they were interrupted by his stomach growling. "See." Josh raised his eyebrows expectantly. 

"Mmmm'k." Tyler rolled over and pulled himself out of bed. "Lemme go scour the kitchen and hunt you down some breakfast. But I may have to run to the store..."

"Just hurry!" 

...

"Please?" Josh added with a smile, trying to look innocent as possible. 

"Ya'know, if you weren't so damn cute-" Tyler grinned, pulling on a pair of shorts, "I'd send you back to your mother." he leaned over Josh to give him a peck on the cheek before heading downstairs. 

"Then who'd you cuddle with?" Josh called after him. 

"I dunno, i'll find a cat or somthin!" Tyler was still smiling as he jogged down the stairs and into the kitchen. He frantically searched around, but they hadn't prepared well in the way of groceries. 

"Well shit." He muttered to himself, grabbing a box of cereal and what was left of the milk. He poured a big bowl of cereal for Josh, and scanned the kitchen. "Oh fuck." He said under his breath when he noticed his phone on the kitchen table. He quickly reached for it to make sure nobody had been trying to get ahold of him. 

dead. 

His phone was dead. He sighed and tucked it in his back pocket, grabbing Josh's cereal and heading back upstairs. 

"What did you find?!" Josh was yelling before Tyler even made it up the stairs. 

"I slaved over the hot stove all morning to cook you this grand meal of....Cereal." Tyler joked, handing the bowl over. "Thats the last of the milk though, and theres nothing for me to eat. Is it okay if i run to the store? you'll be okay here?" Josh nodded, his mouth full of cereal already. 

"yeah dude," he said when he finished chewing. "I don't need you anyways!" 

"Watch it, I'm the one who feeds you." Tyler smiled. "Oh and my phone is dead, so I'm just going to leave it here to charge. Don't get out of bed! I don't need you falling and breaking more bones, okay? Be careful. I'll try to be back as quick as I can."

"Okay loser, get outta here!" Josh smirked, while Tyler plugged in his phone and left it on the nightstand. 

"Okay okay I'm going, gosh." Tyler headed for the door, but he wasn't halfway down the hall when he heard Josh's voice.

"WAIT!!! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!!" Tyler quickly spun around and ran back to Josh's room. But of course, Josh was still laying in bed eating his cereal. 

"Yes?" Tyler asked.

"I need a kiss." Josh said, almost sounding shy. Tyler quickly closed the distance between them, and gently rested his lip's on Josh's. He moved one hand to gently cup Josh's face, and the kiss went on for several seconds longer than either had planned on. "I love you." Tyler breathed, leaning his forehead against Josh's. "I love you too Tyler." 

Tyler brushed Josh's hair back and planted a kiss on his forehead before leaving. 

Josh continued to eat his cereal as he listened to Tyler's car pull out of the driveway and head down the road. Once he was done eating, he lifted the bowl to his lips and drank the sugary milk, then carefully reached over to set the bowl on the nightstand. As he did, he noticed that Tyler's phone had turned back on, and was buzzing.


	20. Chapter 20

When Tyler got back from the store, Josh was unusually quiet. 

“Hey! I got us enough to last a few more days, alright? But at some point we’ll have to-”

“Your phone’s been ringing.” Josh said quietly, avoiding eye contact. 

“Oh, its just Jenna, ignore that.” he said, setting a plate of food on the nightstand and took a seat on the bed next to Josh.

“Its too late.” he said softly. 

“What?”

“It’s too late, I already answered!” He snapped, finally looking Tyler in the eye. Josh had tried to ignore it, but after about 10 calls he had finally picked up Tyler’s phone. And apparently Jenna couldn’t take it any longer either, because as soon as he answered she simply yelled “I’m fucking pregnant, you should learn to answer your goddamn phone!” What followed was a very awkward exchange between Josh and Jenna, where she apologized profusely, and he hung up on her. 

“Oh Josh, I’m so sorry.” Tyler said, eyes wide. “Are you okay? She didn’t say anything to hurt you, did she? Cause I swear, I will-”

“No, Ty, it’s fine. I’m sorry, I’m just not feeling well today.” 

“Aw, Joshie, I’m sorry again. I’ll make sure she doesn’t call again, alright? You won’t have to talk to her again.” Tyler cuddled up against Josh, wrapping him up in a hug. 

“I just…” Josh struggled to find the right words. “I really think you should talk to her.” 

“What?” Tyler said, a little surprised. “Why on earth would i do that?”  
“I think you two have some things to work out...Maybe just not right now.” Josh said sheepishly, conflicted. What if Ty found out about the baby, and didn’t want to be with him anymore? What if, after he left to go see Jenna, nothing was the same? How could it be? He buried his face in Tyler’s neck, not able to stand the thought of losing him. 

“Of course not Josh, I’m right here, okay? And i’m going to stay right here for as long as you ask me to.” 

Josh spent the rest of the day trying to memorize everything, the feeling of Tyler wrapped around him, the sound of his gentle breathing, his pulse. The feeling of his chest rising and falling beneath his head. His fingers gently running through his hair, the soft feeling of their lips pressed together. 

He knew. Someday he might only have memories left, he wanted to make sure he remembered them well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, missed you guys! 
> 
> thanks for being patient with me


	21. Chapter 21

Jenna laid on her kitchen floor, crying. She had no idea that Josh would be the one to answer the phone. And after days and days of calling, when she finally got an answer she was so worried that Tyler would hang up on her before she had a chance to say anything, she blurted out the news before even finding out if it was really him. 

She felt awful, there was really no reason to put Josh through that, after everything. She should have known there was a good chance it was him who would answer- he didn’t deserve that. But she was a blubbering mess of hormones now, and she wanted more than anything for her husband to give a damn about her. 

Her husband. Tyler. As she thought about him, her hand drifted to her belly. Surely, it was his baby. Surely she was carrying her husband’s child. She had counted backwards in her head many times, and it was certainly possible. 

She couldn’t bare to think that the child was from her affair, but she knew that it was certainly possible too. But it had to be Tyler’s baby. It had to. 

Jenna forced herself up, and began pacing around the house. It was full of reminders of her marriage, and she couldn’t help but hope that maybe, just maybe, this baby could help bring them back together. She could even learn to be okay with Josh being in the picture, she just wanted Tyler back in her life. 

Their life. 

She placed both her hands on her belly.   
“Maybe you can save us, little baby.” she softly said, admiring the slight bump. She couldn’t help the tears welling up in her eyes again, she couldn’t stand to do this alone. This was supposed to be a happy thing, a celebration. A baby.

That’s what happens, they got the wedding, and the house, and now the baby. But nobody mentions the affairs, and the accidents and the psychotic breaks and the divorce papers. Nobody talks about the bad stuff that came with the good. That stuff isn’t supposed to happen if you do it ‘right.’ 

But what was right? Sitting at home alone while her husband went on tour? Letting him fall in love with another man? Simply accepting the end without fighting for a chance to work things out? She knew it was hopeless to try to imagine how things might have worked out better- there were too many variables. It was too messy. Would he have cheated if she didn’t? Would he have left her for Josh anyway? Were they ever truely in love? 

That was where Jenna had to stop herself. Of course they were in love. They had it, they were doing it right. Everything was exactly how it was supposed to be. But life was just too messy for it to stay that way. There was no easy fix, things just got complicated and spiraled out of control. And they were too young to know how to stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 I always appreciate feedback, so please feel free to leave a comment!


	22. Chapter 22

Tyler stood in a small room stacked nearly floor to ceiling with animal cages.

“January.” the woman sighed sadly, “we get a lot of ‘returned’ christmas gifts.”  Tyler frowned, examining the cats. He could just imagine all the children who had received some poor puppy or kitten for christmas, only to be dumped at a shelter in a matter of days.

“That’s really a shame.” He said softly, while reconsidering his decision. Would Josh even want-

_Of course._ He cut off his own train of thought. Of course Josh wanted a cat. And he made a promise to himself right then that he would personally see to it that the cat was well cared for.

Tyler’s attention was caught by a tug on his shoe. He looked down and saw a tiny paw stretched out of a cage, reaching for his shoelace.

“What’s this little guy’s name?” Tyler asked, crouching down to see the culprit.

“That’s Felix, he can be a bit of a troublemaker sometimes.” the woman commented, but Tyler had stopped paying attention as he locked eyes with a very handsome tuxedo cat.

“Hey there,” Tyler whispered, poking the cat’s still-extended paw. To his surprise, the cat did not pull away, he just meowed and let Tyler hold his paw.

“I’ll take him.” Tyler said confidently, not looking away from the cat.

 

* * *

 

“Alright! He’s all yours!” The woman said, handing him his copy of the adoption papers. “I’ll go grab him! Do you have a carrier for him?”

“Oh, uh… shoot. I left it in the car.” Tyler lied. After all, he hadn’t really planned out this whole ‘getting a cat’ thing very well. He was simply driving to the grocery store for breakfast when he got the idea that a pet might cheer Josh up. “I’ll just carry him out, it’ll be fine.”

“Okay…” she said with a skeptical look, disappearing to fetch the cat.

What could go wrong? There was a petsmart down the street, he could make this work. Or at least, that’s what he was telling himself.

“Okie dokie! Here he is!” she said, and Tyler eagerly took the cat from her arms. Much to Tyler’s relief, Felix seemed to have no trouble being held. He was really going to need to cooperation from Felix if he was going to make this work. “Thanks!” he called over his shoulder as he excitedly headed for the door. Josh was going to love him.

“Alright buddy,” Tyler struggled to open his car door, then gently sat him in the passenger seat. “D’ya think you can stay in that seat for a minute? I’ll drive real slow, promise.” He smiled at the cat, pulling his door shut and starting the car. He noticed the cat seemed slightly startled at the rumbling noises the engine was making, and reached over to comfort him.

“Hey, it’s okay!” He said, gently petting the cat. “Yeah it’s an old car, but it works. You’ll be fine, I promise.”

Tyler was very careful about driving, not wanting to upset his new passenger. With one hand on Felix and the other on the steering wheel, he slowly made his way down the road, much to the upset of the drivers behind him. Soon enough he pulled into the pet store parking lot, looking over to make sure Felix was still okay.

“You, uh… I gotta bring you in with me.” Tyler said, opening his arms, and Felix didn’t hesitate to crawl across the car into his lap. “Wow, you’re a pretty good cat.” he noted, lifting him up. “Let’s go get you some supplies okay?” Felix meowed in return, and they headed into the store.

Tyler nervously walked around the aisles, picking up various supplies for Felix, who was impatiently squirming around in his arms. “If I put you in the cart like a toddler, will you sit still?” he asked, setting the cat down in the front of the cart. He stayed put, so Tyler cautiously continued to shop, keeping on eye on Felix at all times.

“Can I help you find anything?” An employed asked, noticing Tyler struggling to select the right kind of cat food.

“Oh, I uh… I got this cat? And I really don’t know what he needs.” Tyler admitted sheepishly, but knowing that he was going to need some help. He never had pets growing up, and the endless aisles of pet supplies were screaming that it was a lot more work that he had anticipated.

“Okay! First let’s get you a carrier, so you don’t have to worry about him jumping out of the cart like this.” Relieved, Tyler followed the worker around until they had an incredible amount of stuff for one tiny animal. For a fraction of a second, the state of Tyler’s bank account crossed his mind, but it quickly faded as he thought of Josh.

Josh. He frantically reached for his phone, he hadn’t checked in with josh, hadn’t heard from him, what if something happened-

No new messages. No missed calls. Nothing.

“Uh, okay I think this is good can I just pay? I really gotta get home.” Tyler said nervously, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He needed to be with Josh. Was he okay? What if he fell or was in pain. He had to get to Josh.

The employee nodded and led him to the register. Hands shaking, Tyler quickly paid and hurried out of the store. All he could think about was Josh, and how urgently he needed to get to him. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he drove. He couldn’t help but continuously glance at the clock, and had to fight off the urge to slam his foot into the gas pedal with all the force he could manage. Flashes of Josh’s car wreckage and his broken body in the ambulance crowded Tyler’s vision. He had to get to Josh. **now.**

By the time he pulled into Josh’s driveway, he felt like his own head was screaming at him. He left the keys in the engine and his car door open as he scrambled out and sprinted up to the house.

“JOSH?!” He called, swinging open the front door frantically.

His eyes immediately landed on Josh, sprawled out on the couch, mouth half open, eating a slice of pizza.

“Whats up?” Josh asked calmly, setting down his pizza. “Is everything okay?”

“I… you… didn’t, um. I didn’t hear from you.” Tyler stammered, suddenly feeling silly. “I was just worried…” Tyler gave up on words and simply collapsed onto the couch hugging Josh, relieved that everything was okay.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here, everything is okay.” Josh soothed, running his fingers through Tyler’s hair. Tyler simply closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Do… you want to shut the door?” Josh asked gently after a moment, still worried about Tyler.

“Oh,” Tyler laughed. “Yeah I should probably go turn the car off, too.” he said, and began to get up.

“Hey,” Josh stopped him, resting a hand on Tyler’s arm. “Are you doing okay?”  

Tyler paused, unsure how to answer.

“I’m just really worried. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” he concluded, leaning forward to kiss Josh on the forehead, and Josh pulled him tightly into a hug.  
“Don’t worry about me. As long as I have you, everything i’ll be fine.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTES ABOUT FELIX THE CAT: 
> 
> Felix is a real cat, up for adoption in Chicago. If you want to see pictures, details, or send money to sponsor him, here's his link: https://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/37092460
> 
> Credit to Ginnybadger for telling me to put a cat in my story, and Felix for being a handsome little cat. 
> 
> I'm already in love with the little guy and i'd adopt him if I could.


End file.
